Depression

I don't know if it's depression.

But I have lost the will to do anything. All I want is to lie on the bed and stare into nothingness. I don't even feel like smoking weed or drinking alcohol. I drift from my room to the living room and up to my room again. I sit and stare at memories around me. I am moving forward but it feels like the car is driving around in circles.

I have no desire for anything at this moment. I search for new music to light up my mood. I scroll list of movies and then feel terrible that I'm wasting time if I'm going to watch a movie. Yet, the act of wasting time alone makes me feel terrible because I'm wasting time. But I just don't want to do anything. There are so many things to do at this moment. Video edits, contents, cleaning up my very messy room, and a hundred more things. But all I want to do is to sit and stare out my window, look at the wall, go for a long hot shower.